“Don’t overwork it!”
I get it, but no thanks. At least not today.
As much as I appreciated all my art teachers when I was younger, I think I would have liked less focus on accomplishment or the end result, and more on the process of learning and building. There is so much sustainable joy in action.
Some days I just want to push. Bring the art to its limit until it breaks… watch it break down, learn from it, put it back together and smash it again. It’s like playing, which is part of learning and creativity. I want to do more than make mistakes… I want to lift them up, and turn on the flood lights. Swing ’em around and test their stability, study them close, cover them up to see what shows through, highlight it and build off that. What a mess!! 🙂 Yes.
Putting some paint on paper is a pretty safe place to make mistakes. And the best part is learning to trust myself more than anything… that quiet authentic awareness in between thoughts… and what I came face to face with was that a lot of my “mistakes” were just my own ‘thoughts with judgment’. It’s not easy to let those thoughts go, after all, they’re there for a reason… maybe to protect my ego against criticism, i.e. staying within the lines means you get a gold star. But today I’m pushing for authenticity.
With so much attention on process and subjectivity, it’s difficult to focus on the end result and present it with coherent significance. There were so many faces created and destroyed within this artwork, it feels to me like the last one can barely hold it all together. And maybe that’s honest. This abstract painting of a face isn’t the final representation of my authenticity… it’s a painting of the active struggle (push) to find my authentic voice, and the joy and frustration that goes with it.